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My husband and I always dreamed of having a big family. We were ready to be parents together before we even got married. We were trying to conceive for about 7-8 months before seeking treatment. We got pregnant with a Clomid baby in January after only being prescribed Clomid one time. We were THRILLED.
I planned all the ways I would tell each of my family members. I bought onesies for the baby and “mom-to-be” t-shirts for me. It was the best time of my life.Unfortunately, after only a few short weeks of utter happiness, I was experiencing bleeding and cramping that turned into severe pain. I texted my boss one Monday morning telling him I might be late to work because I was going to the ER to get some symptoms checked. Little did I know, my husband would have to call him later that day and tell him I would be out on medical leave for several weeks due to what we then discovered was an ectopic pregnancy. My ectopic pregnancy ruptured and I lost my right tube in a very traumatic surgery. What followed were the darkest days of my life. After recovering, I continued more testing and quickly discovered that my remaining left tube was not functioning properly. I had to have it removed in another surgery in April just months after my loss. Losing both my tubes left me with a grief that is hard to explain. I had to grieve the journey to motherhood I always imagined and I had to accept that the only way I could ever possibly have children would be through IVF.I was fortunate to have my first egg retrieval before the April surgery. However, we were pretty
disappointed that out of over 30 eggs retrieved, I only ended up with one normal PGT-A embryo. I was told my egg quality was extremely low. I worked hard over the next 3 months to lower my toxic burden. During my 2nd egg retrieval, I got TEN normal PGT-A embryos. I am currently awaiting my first frozen embryo transfer.
The loss and trauma of losing my baby and my ability to bear children naturally was and is the hardest part of this journey. I felt utterly alone and isolated even though I have an amazingly supportive husband and family. Not a soul could possibly understand this grief without going through it themselves.
I was really shocked to learn how many toxins and forever chemicals are in our FDA approved food and products. It was really alarming. I was equally as shocked at how well my egg quality improved simply by eliminating toxins and making small lifestyle swaps.
There is no shame in this journey. There is nothing to feel guilty, ashamed, or embarrassed of. We are currently living in a fertility epidemic that no one wants to address because there is still an existing stigma around this topic. This journey is HARD and the individuals who deal with it are absolute warriors.
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Finding my community on Instagram was the biggest resource for me thus far. Through this community, I have found other resources.
No, definitely not. The only source I had was my doctor who I never once was able to reach over the phone. Everything went through the nurses assigned to her who were always impossible to reach on the phone or by email. 99% of my journey was spent waiting to hear back from someone. It’s so hard when you feel so out of control and have so many questions about things you’ve never heard of (and now your life literally revolves around those things.) I spent so much time googling questions that I really needed a doctor to answer and not random webpages. I found the most support through social media which is not necessarily a bad thing, but social media is not real. You might think you are getting answers from an expert when really it’s a child playing on the computer in their basement.
This is really scary and intimidating to do. I wanted to get another opinion before removing my only remaining tube so I wouldn’t ruin my chances of conceiving naturally. I was very heavily swayed, influenced, and ultimately convinced not to waste my time. At the end of the day, my main priority was having a baby as soon as possible so the thought of wasting time was not an option. I also wanted to do my cycles naturally with as few medications as possible. This was also met with the idea of “wasting time” waiting for my body to do its thing naturally. I did not feel empowered to go against the conventional advice even though, looking back, I have major regrets about that.
Don’t be afraid. This is YOUR body and no one else’s. For everyone else involved, this is a business. For you, this is your life - your past, present, and future. No one else will advocate for what YOU know YOUR body needs. No one knows better than you so no one can advocate better than you. Please do your research. Please educate yourself. Please get a second opinion if you have any doubts or hesitations. You don’t want to have any regrets during this journey that is already tumultuous and debilitating enough.
You are not alone. You WILL figure this all out. There is so much to learn, but you will do anything for your babies. You will get through this. Lean on your support system.
There needs to be more awareness and education on the fertility crisis we are currently facing. There needs to be increased regulations on what we are putting IN and ON our bodies that lead to infertility. Doctors need to stop encouraging young women to get on birth control to mask their symptoms rather than getting to the root causes.
We have already seen so much evolution in the way of advocacy and awareness. Once one person starts talking, suddenly everyone has their own secret story to share. I think men and women who seek to have children later in life should begin testing early, even decades before they might be ready to conceive. Having hormones checked should be a part of regular check-ups. We should not need to wait for symptoms or referrals to get checked or tested. So many infertility symptoms are invisible. There are ways to prevent infertility and there are ways to increase your chances of success. We need to advocate for young people.
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