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I’ve been on this fertility roller coaster for three years now. My husband and I have been married for six years, but we spent the first few years of our marriage working, travelling, and enjoying life, thinking that we would get pregnant relatively quickly and easily when we wanted to.
We first started trying to conceive in Fall 2021, but weren’t really worried until six or eight months had passed. Since I was in my early thirties at the time, my ob/gyn told me that we had to wait a year for any fertility-related testing. The initial bloodwork, ultrasounds, and semen analysis were all “normal,” but I was finally referred to a fertility clinic.
By the time I got through the initial tests and received insurance approval, it was already 2023. I had my first egg retrieval in October 2023, and although over 20 eggs were retrieved, we ended up with only 2 embryos. Those embryos were transferred in December 2023 and April 2024 and both failed to implant. I had a second egg retrieval in July 2024, and with a slightly different protocol and my husband taking some actions beforehand to improve his sperm quality, as well as adding ICSI, we ended up with 6 frozen embryos.
As I was waiting for my transfer cycle to start in early September 2024, I received the biggest shock of my life. I was pregnant for the first time ever, and it had happened naturally! The excitement was very short-lived, though, because I started spotting, which turned to light bleeding and cramping, only a couple of days later. Initially my hcg bloodwork doubled like it was supposed to, but I still had some bleeding. I was finally able to have an ultrasound at 6 weeks 2 days, and unfortunately it ended up being ectopic.
Initially I was treated with methotrexate because they thought it was early enough, but unfortunately I ended up back in the ER and had to have surgery to remove the pregnancy and my right tube.
I’ve recovered from the surgery and am now waiting to do another transfer in a few months. I'm trying to stay hopeful, but it has been tough!
This journey has been full of challenges! Infertility and the IVF process has caused many physical, mental, financial, and relationship struggles. Personally, the stress and anxiety have definitely taken a toll. I’m someone that worries about my health and medication side effects in general, so I was very anxious each time I had to take a new medication. I’m also constantly questioning the different “what ifs” like “what if I never become a mom” or “what this cycle doesn’t work.”
One of the most surprising aspects was how much better I would feel about my journey after sharing my story with others. I was pretty quiet for the first two years, but right before my 2nd egg retrieval, I started posting on social media and started sharing a bit more with people in my personal life. Finding a supportive community and feeling less alone has definitely helped me a lot.
When I started this journey, I was definitely naive. First, I never thought I would be someone that would struggle with infertility after spending years trying to prevent pregnancy. I just didn’t think it would be something that would affect me. Then, when I started IVF, I thought that IVF would solve our problems with just one egg retrieval and a transfer. The few people I knew in my personal life that had done IVF seemed to have ended up pregnant relatively quickly, so I didn’t realize how long and tough of a process it would end up being. I was definitely more hopeful a year or two ago. Now I try to keep that hope alive, but I’m definitely more guarded.
The most helpful tools have been finding a supportive community and sharing my story, and reducing stress through things like acupuncture, going for walks and exercising, therapy, meditation apps, and spending time with loved ones. I’ve also found that having a clinic with a doctor that will listen to your concerns and nurses that will answer questions quickly has been helpful.
When I started looking more into my fertility and decided to move on to IVF, although I had a supportive husband, family, and friends, I don’t think I had all the resources I needed to advocate for myself. I didn’t really have a lot of knowledge about the process, and although my doctor and nurses were helpful with my specific plan, they wouldn’t really help outside of the medication and procedures. I had to do my own research on things like additional possible tests, other types of protocols, vitamins, acupuncture, egg quality, sperm health, and more.
I don’t think there’s been a time where I’ve gone against conventional advice yet. WIth my recent ectopic pregnancy, I was hesitant to take Methotrexate because I knew it would push my next transfer back another three months, and I was still worried about a rupture. But I still didn’t request surgery. Looking back, I wish I had, because I ended up having to have surgery anyways.
I would advise them to educate themselves as much as they can, to talk to their doctors and nurses, and to find resources online to help themselves. I’d also suggest that they find a community of others who are going through similar journeys so that they can have more support. Whether it’s joining a support group, posting on social, or talking to friends, having people that understand is so helpful.
I wish that I had been more prepared for how complicated the journey would be. Before starting IVF, I knew that there were going to be some type of injections and then an egg retrieval and transfer, but I had no idea of how many different types of medications there would be and how much they would cost. Or how specific the timing was, how many bloodwork and ultrasound appointments there would be, or the fact that egg retrievals are under anaesthesia.
I also wish I knew how overwhelming trying to be mindful of the more natural aspects of fertility would be, like what vitamins and supplements to take, what toxins could be in my kitchen or beauty products, or if my use of plastic could be negatively impacting my fertility.
I think it would be great if more people could be empowered to look into their fertility earlier. It was discouraging to hear from my doctor that I couldn’t even have any fertility-related bloodwork or other tests until I had been trying to conceive for over a year since I was in my early 30s at the time. I also hope that more people that are struggling learn about the resources that exist and can find a supportive community.
It seems like the number of people struggling with infertility is growing. I believe in the US, it used to be 1 in 8 and now it’s 1 in 6. Plus 1 in 4 experience pregnancy loss. With the increasing number of people, awareness is definitely growing. I think the current political climate in the US has also brought some fertility issues to the forefront. When an individual is struggling though, it can still be difficult for them to find the right resources and support that they need.
You’re not alone! Even though this journey can feel lonely and isolating at times, there are so many people that are facing similar struggles. It is okay to feel not okay and to grieve the life that you thought that you would have. But, there can be glimmers of hope and spots of positivity throughout life, even when times feel dark.
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